My Big Baby with a Big Head

My photo when I was still 7 months pregnant.

Two months since my water broke, labored for 9 hours but ended up delivering a baby via cesarean section because her head is too big to pass through my birth canal. (I gave birth on September 5, 2019.)

It’s been two months since I gave birth to this “big baby with a big head” (as what the doctors and nurses would call her). Born weighing 4.36kg (9.6 lbs) with diagnosis of macrocephaly (abnormally large head size), we were instructed to see a neurologist for further investigations on her brain. It was my first time to encounter MRI scanning and genetics test – and these are such big words for me. Every time we will go to the hospital, there is a small impression in my heart that feels like my baby is not a normal baby. Why does she has to go through these special assessments? But every time she smiles and giggles, it feels like she’s telling me, “Don’t worry mommy. I am okay.”

This is Rosea, my baby. The “big baby with a big head.”

In my prayers, I asked God to give me wisdom to understand all these new experiences in my life. Today, He gave me an answer. He reminded me that Rosea is His, not ours. We are just His stewards of this new beautiful life. He reminded me that our child’s life has already planned perfectly by Him and we must surrender; and to be simply thankful and glad that He gave us this privilege to serve Him by taking care of her.

It has been two months of purely God’s grace, love and mercy in our family. We have a very long way to go, more days and years to experience God’s goodness and faithfulness in our life. Thank You, our Lord and God – for everything. All glory and praises to You alone. Thank You, my Jesus.

~ Madylene’s Diary (November 5, 2019)

My Personal Legend

While working on my engineering project which has to be delivered two days from now, I was intently listening to the audio book version of “The Alchemist” (the top selling book of all times written by Paulo Coelho).

I have read the book once about two years ago and I’ve been wanting to read it again for the second time. However, I do not have much time to re-read a book because I am currently reading Coelho’s “The Devil and Miss Prym”. So I have decided to listened “The Alchemist” via Youtube. I was able to finish the entire story while working long hours on my engineering project.

To those who have read The Alchemist, you can recall that it is about the story of a boy named Santiago and his journey in finding his Personal Legend. (I don’t have much time to write a story review here and I strongly recommend that you read it yourself.)

New Life and Season is Coming

Why am I journaling this moment of my life? Because I am 33 weeks pregnant and about to give birth on my first child on the next few weeks. I am aware that my life will about to drastically change and I knew I need to reflect on my life.

I asked myself what is my “personal legend”? Hearing again the story of “The Alchemist” strongly stirs my soul – calling me to be clear with my mission here on earth and act on it.

It breaks my heart as I listened to the story while working. Because I have been wanting to quit my engineering job to give more time and energy in my writings and business dream. I have already started doing something about it but it makes me feel sad because the truth is that I am doing it part-time.

I read from somewhere that says “Don’t pursue your dreams part-time. You have to be fully engaged to it.” And I am exactly that person right now because I am still doing something that is not in line with my purpose.

My Personal Legend

Around 2016, I was able to clarify my personal legend. I will summarize it in bullets:

  • To always seek spiritual growth and connection with God, the creator of all.
  • To write books and stories.
  • To build a business that God wants me to bring to the world.
  • To be a good wife and mother to my family.

It seems that I am almost there… It’s just that I have to eliminate few things that are not aligned – and that is working for someone else just to earn money to sustain our family. (I still support my parents needs.)

It crashes my heart, time and energy every time I would sit on my laptop doing the job that I am not passionate about. But soon, I am really hoping that I will stop doing it and be fully in line with my personal legend I mentioned above.

I am not sure of anything in the future but I am still hoping for the best. Writing these thoughts now makes me feel more inspired to really live it. I want to write and read my life here someday – that I am living my life purpose. I will write more here… to document my journey… from dreaming, to having thoughts and actually conceiving it to the physical world.

I am only sure of one thing. I will never stop; never give up and will do everything that I can. 🙂

~ Madylene’s Diary

Who Am I?

I thought of writing a page about myself… in case a reader would drop by here, he/she will at least get ideas about who I am.

As I write this, I am 8-months pregnant with my first child and is currently living here in Qatar with my husband. We got married last June 2018 in the Philippines (our native country) but because my husband’s work is here in Qatar, we decided to start building our family here.

By profession, I am a civil engineer. It would be a long story to tell why I landed in civil engineering world way back in my college days so let’s just settled with the fact that I am a professional engineer. But I am really hoping that soon, I will be fully able to give up my engineering career to focus on my family, writing, business and life with God.

By heart and soul, I am a writer. I learned that writing is my passion when I was six years old and I realized that it is my life purpose when I was in my early 20’s. However, I was not able to pursue writing career right away because I was not courageous and honest to myself enough that what I wanted to do with the rest of my life is to write.

As human beings, we are all subjected to the process of life – wherein there is an endless journey of discovering what we are here for and how we are going to fulfill it. That’s what happened and continuously happening in my life. It is an endless road to travel. We learn, grow and evolve one experience at a time. I always say that, “Life is a teacher.”

I am also an entrepreneur. I am passionate about entrepreneurship – creating something in service of humanity. As of now, I have my start-up dream business which is an online publication. It is called Creative Thoughts Publication where I publish my works. (You can check Creative Thoughts at www.creativethoughts.co). Hopefully, I would get other aspiring writers published too. I am still on the stage wherein I need to create more for the business to publish other writers.

I am also a Christian by faith. I love God and believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. On my future diary log, for sure I will write about my life with God.

By the way, my name is Madylene San Juan-Tuazon. One diary entry at a time, I will be able to reveal more of who I really am… what’s in my soul, what are my interests and the things that matters in my life.